Category Archives for "Wellbeing"

I have been pondering on the nature of our ego lately and how it gets in our way.

What IS an ego anyway? There are so many definitions and it’s one of those words that is open up to endless discussion.

Here’s one definition of ego:

“A person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance”.

In a more spiritual context,  here is ego as defined by Deepak Chopra:

“The ego is our self-image, not our true self. It is characterized by labels, masks, images, and judgments.”

And perhaps, most succinctly, the ego can be defined as “our small self”.

None of us wants to be “our small self”, do we? Yet we are frequently slaves to our ego, despite the pain this causes us.

I found myself being a slave to my own ego the other week. A couple of things happened and my ego kicked into play:

1. A business colleague who had offered to connect me with someone has ignored my gentle prompts. So far I’ve sent 2 polite emails, 2 polite private messages and called and left a message with a secretary. All have remained unanswered.

This is what my ego thought about the lack of response:

“There’s obviously something about you that has made her change her mind.  You’re not important/good/professional enough.  . maybe she actually just doesn’t like you. Yeah that’s it.. there’s something wrong with you.”

Actually, it’s just plain rudeness, but my ego is paranoid enough to think it must be about ME. Because that’s what the ego always thinks!

2. I wasn’t invited to be part of a project within an area I have a great deal of expertise in as well as a solid reputation. I noticed that others, less experienced, with less knowledge HAD been invited to that conversation. One of these was a lady I had mentored who had gone on to use some of my intellectual property and pass it off as her own without acknolwedgment.

So my ego was properly p***d off about this. It chattered and chattered away…

“Don’t they know who you are and what you’ve done in this area?”
“Why haven’t they invited you? They DO know the expertise you have in this area. Of course they do. What’s going on?”

At this point the ego stamps its little feet and pouts and feels properly sorry for itself!

Our small selves HATE being left out, don’t they? They really like to be taken SERIOUSLY, because they are so very, VERY important.

They make up stories – completely fantastical, far-fetched stories which always have bad endings.  They embellish those stories with all sorts of monsters.

But I know how to tell that ego to be quiet. I know how to calm that small self and reassure it that it is safe.  Sometimes I forget, but as soon as I remember, it works a dream.

For me to tell you the secret to letting go of your ego, I need to tell you a story…

Two Presidents were sitting in an office engaged in a meeting. Suddenly, in bursts a woman, apoplectic with fury. She is swearing, she’s gesticulating, she’s absolutely furious, complaining to the Home President:

“Look what these people have done now. I don’t believe this.  Don’t they realise what this means?!”

“Suzanne,” says the home President to the woman after she has ranted for a while. “Please calm yourself, and remember Rule #6.”

Instantly, Suzanne is calm. She smiles, her shoulders drop, she walks out of the office a different woman.

Ten minutes later, a man walks in, red in the face, obviously agitated, frowning. He’s really, really angry.

Again, the President waits until the man has said his piece, then he says quietly but firmly to the man: “Carl, please. Be calm and remember Rule #6.”

And again, the same effect. Carl, just as Suzanne did earlier, instantly looks more relaxed. The frown disappears, he smiles and walks out of the office as a much calmer Carl.

At the end of the meeting, the visiting President says,

“Tell me, it was extraordinary, when those people came in. They were so stressed. You mentioned this Rule #6 and the effect on them was instant. What is this Rule #6 you said to them that changed them?”

The home President said to his guest,

“Ah. Simple. Rule #6 is this:  DON’T TAKE YOURSELF SO DARNED SERIOUSLY.”

“Ah, that is a fine rule,” said the visiting President. “Tell me, what are the other rules?”

“The other rules? There aren’t any.” 🙂

And that is the story of Rule #6. I learned this many years ago from a book called “The Art of Possibility “ by Ben and Rosamunde Zander. It has stayed with me ever since I first read it and I have retold this story many times within workshops and to my clients.

——————–

When you find your small self, your ego getting noisy, the surefire way to calm yourself down is to remember Rule #6: Don’t take yourself so darned seriously!

How has your week been? Has it been slow or fast? Hard or easy? Fun or downright NOT fun? Has it been a bit MANIC?!

I started writing this email to you yesterday afternoon on the train back home from London This week has indeed been manic: Jam-packed with great connections, opportunities, challenges and events. I have met some wonderful people, achieved positive things and worked really really hard!

Maybe, like mine, your life can often be a bit manic, packed with things like this..

▪ Meetings
▪ Client delivery
▪ Commuter chaos
▪ Organising extra childcare due to travel
▪ Ditto for dog care!
▪ Trying to figure out what you’re going to feed the kids at night
▪ Wishing your kids would get to bed so you can go to bed early

If any of these strike a chord, here are 8 of my own top tips that help me. And I share them with you in the hope that they will help to keep you sane, happy and healthy too, even when life is a bit manic!

1. Choose sleep!

One of the things you have to consciously make a priority as much as possible when life is manic is getting enough sleep as possible. I realise the irony of this, of course! However, lack of sleep causes cortisol levels to rise which increases stress. Apart from the more serious health risks of elevated cortisol over a long period of time, in the short term when you’re tired you eat more when you’re tired, you put weight and so on.

However…

2. Don’t get stressed if you’re not getting enough sleep!

According to one tabloid I glanced at yesterday, here in the UK we’ve had the “HOTTEST JULY EVER”. Us Brits tend to start melting as soon as we get a heatwave, we don’t cope very well. Which means we haven’t slept too well here this week. My point is this: Don’t sweat it (pardon the pun) if you have a few bad nights sleep. Seek opportunities for a few minutes rest throughout your day. You WILL get through that important client meeting even if you feel as if you’re an extra on the set of The Walking Dead. You WILL make it til the end of the day even though you are so tired your brain is addled. Remember what I said about cortisol levels? Well, you’ll raise them even more if you get stressed about not sleeping!

3. Accept that it IS hard

If you’re a mum or a carer, it is hard. I’m a single mum and it’s really hard sometimes. I can’t just flop on the sofa as soon as you get in from a busy day and there’s nobody else to do one thing whilst you do another. Many of you will know about that anyway with partners working away from home. Your kids will want your attention, kids are selfish and quite frankly they don’t really give 2 hoots about your problems. Try to be the “adult”, shrug your shoulders and remember why you love the little blighters!

4. Prepare some good stuff so you are reasonably well nourished

Easier said than done when you’re busy, I know! But we all know that what we put in our bodies has a big effect on how we feel. I’ve been carrying a bag of nuts around with me this week, a flask of iced mint tea and a bottle of water. I can tell you that these things were manna from heaven when I got caught in the worst “commuter chaos” of the year on Wednesday on “the hottest day of the year”.

5. Listen to your body

Right now I’m pretty tired and I’ve noticed a tummy ache which greeted me on Wednesday morning and hasn’t completely left yet. I know what this is – too much adrenaline coursing through my body, not surprising with all the things that are going on. But the point is this – be mindful of what your body is telling you. It has taken me many years to “get” this!

I’ve seen too many of my clients and friends literally make themselves ill by not listening to the warning signs. If something starts niggling, then think about what you can do to gently deal with it. For me, it means more mini mindfulness moments (meditation) each day, putting my hands on my tummy and constantly reminding myself that “this too shall pass”. Yep.. it can be that simple!

6. Do what you can when you can to redress the balance

I have decreed Sunday as a complete relaxation day. No rushing round, no extreme physical exertion, no work, just a complete wind down. If you’ve got a run of manic days, look in your diary for slots when you can just switch off and SCHEDULE THEM IN!

7. Look for EVERY opportunity for fun and humour

I save the best for last: I do this every day and I think it’s the most important tip! Life can be serious, which is exactly why you need to train yourself to see the funny side, look for the absurd, lighten up and go with the flow. Put a smile on your face and remember that, whatever your challenges right now, this is just another opportunity to build your resilience and look for the ridiculous, mad, daft or fun side.