Category Archives for "Mindset"

“I’m feeling overwhelmed with so much to do at home and work. I have a big proposal that needs to be in tomorrow and then I have a presentation to prepare before Tuesday with Monday already full with stuff, so if I don’t get a move on I will be working the weekend which I haven’t got time for, as lots on at home with kids’ social schedules, building work and a poorly husband who can’t drive. I so need to be super efficient and effective right now, but telling myself that still isn’t getting me there! I just can’t mentally apply myself to anything important and I am procrastinating a lot and making lots of cups of tea!”

This is a quote from Eleanor, one of my clients. She’s not alone in feeling overwhelmed and the description of her week echoes those I’ve heard from most of my clients at some point. If I had a pound/dollar/euro for every time I heard the word “overwhelmed” from my clients over the past 16 years, I’d be a rich woman by now!

90% of the women I’ve worked with over the years have had caring responsibilities – usually for children, sometimes for ageing parents, sometimes as carers, and increasingly – as I get older! – I am noticing that many of my clients have both children and parents to look after. 21st century life is busy for most of us, but for women who are mothers or carers, ‘busy’ is taken to a whole new level.

I get the “jugging act” and “balancing act” of work, life and family. I get it because I speak on an almost daily basis with my clients who are striving to master that juggling act. I also get it as I’m at the sharp end myself! as a mum, with a coaching practice and a new business, maintaining a house, raising 2 energetic boys (and of course my 4-legged “boy”, Ernie) I often wonder how on earth I keep going! And just like my clients, I’m keenly aware of the dangers of burnout and conversely, the importance of carving out time for my own health, wellbeing and happiness. But how do we carve out that time when we have so much on our plate?


Of course, the more we have on our plate, the longer it takes to clear that plate. And the plate is never empty. Just as soon as you’ve cleared a space, something else appears on it. Looking at that plate, piled so high that you don’t know where to start, can be completely overwhelming!

But here’s the issue: For the most part, we are loading up that plate ourselves. We are largely responsible for our own tendency to fall into overwhelm, as we are so busy trying to be Superwoman.

Are modern women a “generation of control freaks”? Judith Warners, in her New York Times bestseller “Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety” thinks so – and control freaks who are unable to say “No” to boot: In “Perfect Madness”, Warners cites an article from Redbook, a women’s magazine about the cult of busy-ness amongst modern women:

“What has modern woman done with the four or five hours she used to spend at the wash line? Chances are she has let herself be dragooned into doing something that is just as tiring and time-consuming. She is working on one more committee, helping out at a pre-kindergarten art group or collecting furniture or clothing for the town swap shop.. permi(ting) the time saved by (the) mechanical devices to be wiped out by increased standards of performance”.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that this is a description of a stay at home mum: The “modern woman” described above is also highly likely to be building a career, as well!

Here’s the rub…

“The obligation for working mothers is a very precise one: 
The feeling that one ought to work as if one did not have children, 
whilst raising one’s children as if one did not have to work”

There are 8 main reasons for overwhelm in talented women that I have observed over many years of coaching. Only the first two are external; the other six are about talented women getting in their own way by trying to be that mythical creature – Superwoman:

1. Information overload
2. Volume of work
3. High expectations of myself
4. Putting too much pressure on myself
5. Trying to be perfect
6. Needing to live up to other’s expectations of me
7. Taking on too much
8. Needing to do it all, “because nobody can do it as well as I can”

HOW TO STEP UP

One of the best ways to let go of the habit of being Superwoman is to get real on your expectations of yourself. Superwomen with control freak tendencies tend to have unrealistically high expectations of ourselves. This inevitably leads to overloading your metaphorical plate which in turn leads to you becoming overwhelmed. Getting into a cycle of coping-overwhelm-coping-overwhelm is not, as you might have already suspected, a sustainable one. Ultimately it leads to burnout and this has some serious health implications.

Checking in with your expectations of yourself is simple, but not always easy. Simple because you just have to take a step back and ask yourself, “What am I expecting myself to do here?.. Is this realistic/reasonable?” However, it is not always easy – because you are likely to be so ingrained in the habit of handling everything and getting things done that your default position is to respond to each challenge with

“How can I fit this in?”

rather than

“Where are my expectations unrealistic?”

This is why it is helpful to speak regularly to a good Coach or a friend, to get them to reflect back to you. You need someone who can pull you up short and point out the obvious…

“Hang on, you’ve just told me that today you are going to do A, B, C, D and E at work. That’s going to take you at least ten hours, and you’ve only got six working hours in the day!”

Gina had a big list of “must dos” in her week but she was frustrated with herself, as she wasn’t achieving them. She said:

“There’s no reason I can’t do all of these things. I just need to be more efficient with my time”

We drew up a grid and sectioned into days of the week and waking hours in the day. We walked through every single thing that Gina wanted to achieve in an average week.

Gina had a picture of how her life was going to be completely perfect with every element of a balanced life incorporated. She believed that the only thing that was stopping her was her own lack of time management. She believed that, if only she could get it right, she would be able to “do it all : Time for work, time for the kids, time for herself, time for her community, time for her hobbies and time for many other projects she was trying to juggle.

As we listed all the elements of her ideal week, I asked Gina how many hours per week she wanted to spend on each activity in her life. As we went through every element of her week, I asked the same question and quietly added up all the hours.

She was shocked when I told her the total hours: In order to achieve everything, she needed to have over 130 waking hours per week. There was no room in Gina’s week for the unexpected curve balls that have a habit of popping up regularly and certainly no room for anything to deviate from plan. Most of all, there was no room for sleep! It left her with just over 5 hours per night. Hardly a perfectly balanced life!

This was a reality check for Gina and it was a useful exercise. But she was only doing what millions of women do – over-estimating what she could achieve in the time given and setting expectations that only Superwoman could meet!

You might have a to-do list, and you beat yourself up because you haven’t achieved it, try this exercise yourself. Get real about how long things take – by underestimating you will feel constantly disappointed with yourself and constantly anxious.

This is a painful way to step up – no doubt about it! Looking at how long things really take is uncomfortable. However, this is the only way to prove to yourself that you are setting your expectations too high.

I’ve made some big changes to my business and as a result, exciting opportunities are flying in thick and fast.

I’ve been thinking about how I am when I’m at my best and about how we can become irresistibly attractive. How can we “attract” more great opportunities, experiences, people into our lives?

“What does this even mean?” you may ask, if you are not familiar with the Law of Attraction.

Well, here is my own interpretation – you are irresistibly attractive when you are happy, content and full of life.

I have dined out on a piece of praise from one of my first coaches for many years. She said to me:

“Amanda, you could attract opportunities whilst sitting in a bath of cold baked beans, with a paper bag over your head, farting.”

Hmmm… a becoming image, n’est-ce pas? 😉

As a seasoned Coach, I’m a constant observer of behaviour, including my own. So I’ve done quite a bit of analysis around this irresistibly attractive thing.

Believe me, I am not always attracting good things whilst sitting in that cold bath of baked beans (and I NEVER fart, by the way).

I have had long periods of time when I’ve felt that I’m on a treadmill – giving my heart and soul, working my butt off and going round in ever-decreasing circles. I’ve had times when the harder I’ve worked and the more I’ve tried, the worse the results. It’s been one knock after another. Have you ever been on that treadmill?

Those are the times when I forget to walk my own talk. I forget my own “secret” formula for being irresistibly attractive.

So how do we get out of that rut?

It’s simple, but not easy: You have to surrender. You have to let go, stop grasping. You have to trust, trust yourself, trust that things will work themselves out and just ride with the waves.

The tricky thing, in my own experience, is that the waves don’t immediately calm down once you let yourself ride with the damn things. It’s likely you’ll still be buffeted around, even once you stop fighting them. You might have to brace yourself for a few more high rollers.

Eventually, you’ll come to the shore, but you have to practise the surrendering bit.

Here are my 4 steps for attracting good things into your life

1. Set your intention of what you DO want and practise feeling as if you already have it. Practise like a mad woman (or a mad man)! Practise practise practise – even when it’s hard. Even when you want to yell:

“How can I practise feeling as if I already have what I want when I’m facing so many obstacles, so many problems”

Just. Keep. Practising.

2. Make a decision right now, that no matter what is going WRONG in your life, that you will focus on being relentlessly and nauseously HAPPY and GRATEFUL. Look out for opportunities to feel joyful every single day.

Here are a few questions you could ask yourself to help with relentless happiness and gratitude:

• What little thing would I love to do today?
• How can I make someone’s day?
• What do I notice around me that is wonderful?

There are many more questions you could ask. Let your creativity guide you.

3. Take baby steps.

Create positive daily habits that will take you inch by inch closer to where you want to be. Don’t expect to get there, just do your daily habits for the heck of it.

4. Let go of the outcome.

I’ll repeat – keep acting as if, keep being happy, keep spreading sparkles into the world. Keep taking baby steps with your daily habits.

And keep in mind this one thing – you’ll be fine even if you never achieve your desired outcome.

Trust me, you can do this.

Here’s my very own “how to be irresistibly attractive” formula in a pretty little picture..

If you are going through a tough time, the one thing that you DO have control over is your thoughts, because thoughts have a direct correlation with your level of emotional resilience. In other words, you’ll cope better, you’ll find solutions faster and you’ll recover faster if you can learn to become aware of your thought patterns. But you know this, don’t you? In fact, you’re probably thinking;

“Easier said than done, Amanda!”

Is there an easier way to have more positive, more nurturing thoughts when you’re anxious, feeling low or in the midst of a life challenge? Yes, there is, and I’ll show you how in just a minute!

The trouble with positive thinking is that it’s usually over simplified. Ever heard (or said?) things like this?…

“You MUST think positively!”
“You can’t let your thoughts run away with you like this!”

I read a book several years ago called The Magic of Thinking Big, by David A Schwartz that reminds me of how much positive thinking is over-simplified. It was a very “Gung Ho!” type of book, big, bold and well – a bit macho really! Schwartz wrote The Magic of Thinking Big in 1959, when I guess macho was the way to go! Here’s an extract:

“Your mind is a thought factory. There’s two foremen. One’s called Mr Triumph and the other’s called Mr Defeat. To see how these two foremen work for you, try this: tell yourself today’s a lousy day, this signals Mr Defeat into action, and he manufactures some facts to prove you right. He suggests to you it’s too hot, too cold, that business will be bad, sales will drop, etc, etc. He’s tremendously efficient; in just a few moments, he’s got you sold. It is a bad day. Before you know it, it’s a heck of a bad day. But tell yourself today is a fine day, and Mr Triumph is signalled forward to act. He tells you this is a wonderful day, the weather is refreshing, it’s good to be alive! Today you can catch up on some work. It’s a good day…the more work you give either of these two foremen, the stronger he becomes. If Mr Defeat is given more work to do he has the personnel and takes up more space in your mind.”

You get the picture – and of course it’s true that your thoughts DO dictate your experiences. But The Magic of Thinking Big was not to my liking as a self-development book – it lacked compassion and I am a firm believer in acknowledging feelings and thoughts, even the negative ones.

Both Schwartz and I want to help you achieve the same outcome – to feel positive! However, I subscribe to a gentler, more playful metaphor for building your emotional resilience than Schwartz’s Mr Triumph and Mr Defeat.

Allow me to introduce you to your Inner Dobby and your Inner Oprah…

Hopefully you’ll all be familiar with Harry Potter: Dobby is the little house elf who routinely uses self-flagellation when things go wrong – ahem. Google him if you’re not a Potter fan – you’ll get the picture!

I use “Inner Dobby” to represent is your inner critic, the inner you that is beating yourself up, the voice saying,

“Oh, it’s all going to hell in a hand cart, it’s going to be awful!”

All of those negative thoughts that you beat yourself up with – that is your inner Dobby.

The opposite of your Dobby voice (your inner critic) is what I call your Oprah voice – i.e. your Inner Coach. After all, who is wiser than Oprah?!

Whilst your Inner Dobby will exaggerate the negative, your Inner Oprah will gently say:

“Come on, what’s most likely? Let’s get real here!”

Here are some typical Inner Dobby habits that you might recognise!

1. Exaggerating your problems
2. Over generalising
3. Creating worst possible scenarios in your head; dooming the future
4. Replaying bad experiences repeatedly
5. Focussing on the negative
6. Discounting the positive
7. Expecting negative intentions of others
8. Reacting.

And here are the positive Inner Oprah habits you can practise instead:

1. Choose to function with a positive attitude
2. Accept the things you cannot change
3. Take ownership of your day and your feelings
4. Learn to break out of your reactive mode
5. Be aware of the quality of you self-talk
6. Learn to create positive images in your mind when you face new challenges
7. Learn to let go
8. And when the going gets tough, the tough get mantra-ing! Here are 2 of my favourites:
   

   “Whatever happens, I’ll handle it” – because you WILL

   “This too shall pass” – because it always DOES

So next time you find yourself “horribilising”, thinking the worse or stuck in a repeat cyle of negativity, talk to your Inner Dobby gently. Tell him he’s doing his best, but he can have a rest from being a house elf slave of doom now. Get your wise and gentle Inner Oprah to take him by the hand and lead him away. And let Oprah do the talking!

I was at an event last weekend and I asked 2 female millionaires this question:

“What differentiates you – as millionaires – from others? What are the attitudes you have or the things that you do differently that have helped you to become millionaires?

They each had different answers. But there’s one thing they both said and it stood out very clearly to me:

They both said that no matter what, they keep taking action. Even when they don’t know what to do, they take the next action – any action.

After the event, another successful woman messaged me on Facebook. Her name is Jane Cassell and she runs a company called JC Independent Wills & Probate. Incidentally, she’s also the woman who is about to write my will (she is brilliant)!

This is what she said:

“You asked a great question on Saturday evening – characteristic / distinction. My answer to that question is action. Without a doubt, action. We continue to take action, even when we’re tired, and life gets too busy to take action. We still take action.”

But it’s not the millionaires or even the brilliant Jane Cassell who have inspired this week’s post. It’s a lady called Lyn, who emailed me this week after attending my “Set Backs and Stepping Up” presentation for The Global Women in Leadership Summit. She thanked me for my session telling me it had made a huge difference to her. She described herself as “the stereotypical shy person in a room full of strangers”.

Despite being a stereotypical shy person, this is what Lyn did after my presentation:

“I have genuinely spent the last few days thinking about all the things I can do in order to connect with people – I’ve accepted an invitation to an event; I’ve started my Fabulous 50 list; I’ve contacted 7 people so far, from that list; I’ve been through my Outlook contacts to see who else I should be speaking to!

I’ve also applied for a job I saw advertised online – it was one of the headline jobs in an email, I took a look and decided to send off my CV – usually I would have agonised over whether or not to send it, and whether or not I’m actually capable of doing that role. I used to spend an hour a day poring over the websites, trying to find something that I can do (without a degree!). Today, I just thought, ooh that looks good, it’s in London, it’s a better salary (and different level) to what I usually look at; I’m sending my CV! I have just proved to myself that I don’t have to spend hours overthinking these things – and that’s probably a bigger deal than the actual application!!”

Did you read that last bit? I’ll repeat it, just in case!

“I’m sending my CV..I don’t have to spend hours overthinking these things.”

Wow! How’s that for a bit of weekend inspiration, eh?!

Quite simply, Lyn took action. Even though she’s shy. And I bet you agree when I say that she’s got a big chance of getting the job she wants because of taking these actions.

We can talk ourselves to death about WHY we don’t take action – too shy, lack of self-belief, don’t have time, no energy, don’t know what to do, don’t have the support, don’t know where to start, too tired at the end of the day.

There’s some tough love coming with this week’s post. Let’s cut through the c**p and get straight to the point: In brief, you gotta take action!

How do you do that? Well let’s imagine you don’t have ANY excuses – what is one action you COULD take towards your goal?

Now do it!

And then…

Rinse and repeat.

But maybe you really DO have a valid reason for not taking action? Let’s deal with that now, shall we? 🙂

Take for example this common and understandable reason amongst busy women with multiple responsibilities:

“I’m too tired at the end of the day”.

OK – I get that. Don’t we all? 🙂

But if you have a goal and you really want to achieve success, whether it’s with your career, your money, your relationship or anything else in your life, you’re going to have to take action anyway, even if you’re too _____________ (fill in the blank with your excuse)!

If you don’t know where to start, just start anywhere. Do it EVEN IF….

Keep taking action – just like Jane, just like Lyn and just like those millionaires.

via GIPHY

High self-esteem is crucial to our success, equanimity and overall sense of happiness. If we want to feel happy and in control of our own life, it is essential that we nurture our self-esteem.

What the heck has low self-esteem got to do with Ripley’s Alien Mother Creature?

With low self-esteem, we filter our view of the World through our own distorted low opinion of ourselves. Low self-esteem is like the big bad mother of self-belief issues. She spawns lots of other baby limiting beliefs. And they in turn grow into monsters that are extremely difficult to slay – just ask Sigourney Weaver if you don’t believe me.

Do you suffer from low self-esteem?

Do you ever call yourself stupid or put yourself down? Do you frequently compare yourself to others and find yourself lacking? Do you worry that other people might not like you?

These are all indications of low self-esteem. But that’s ok – we’re not labelling you here!
You don’t have low self-esteem ALL the time. You only have it in those moments when you’re having those negative thoughts about yourself.

We generally expect people with low self-esteem to appear quiet, reserved: If you’ve ever met someone who finds it difficult to look you in the eye for example, you might suspect that they have low self-esteem. Not necessarily so.

I sometimes put myself down. Occasionally I compare myself with others and I have been known to fret about what other people might think. I never considered myself to have low self-esteem. I’m the sort of person who people view as confident, gregarious, happy and fairly well balanced.

Outward impression is not necessarily a reflection of what’s going on inside. And more importantly, self-esteem is not a fixed part of anyone.

Does low self-esteem come from a traumatic childhood?

Another thing we think we know about self-esteem: Doesn’t low self-esteem come from growing up in a family in which you are put down or belittled? Isn’t it common in victims of abuse? Well, yes – and no!

Dr. Rob Kelly, author of “Thrive” says that the link between childhood experiences and levels of self-esteem is not always to blame:

“People with a negatively distorted sense of self do not, however, need to have been regularly put down or abused by others during childhood….many people that I have treated with self-esteem issue have come from loving, caring families and it is largely their own self-criticism that has caused them to build such limiting beliefs about themselves.”

What IS self-esteem anyway?

Let’s take a quick look at the various synonyms for the word “esteem”:

Deem, judge, rate, respect, admire, value, regard, approve of, appreciate, like

When we add “self” to the word esteem, then we can start to get a feel for what self-esteem is:

Your level of self-esteem is a measure of:

• How you rate yourself
• How much you value yourself
• How much you like yourself
• How much you appreciate yourself
• How you judge yourself

In short, self-esteem is simply how you see yourself. If I asked you to tell me what sort of person you are, you might tell me that you are outgoing or shy; that you are hard-working or laid back; that you are a good friend or a conscientious person.

Essentially, you’d be responding with your beliefs about yourself. We all form beliefs about ourselves – who we are, what we like, what we dislike. They are not facts, they are simply beliefs that we have formed over years.

Your fluctuating self-esteem battery

Self-esteem is not real; it is simply your present evaluation of yourself – a set of beliefs. Sometimes you might evaluate yourself highly, sometimes less so.

Kelly tells his patients to imagine that they are keeping a mental score card of negative and positive thoughts. Each time they have a negative or critical thought it is recorded and each time they have a pleasant, validating thought, this is also recorded.

These positive and negative thoughts reflect the charge of your metaphorical “self-esteem battery”. So if, you have 70% negative thoughts in a day and only 30% positive thoughts, then your self-esteem battery is only 30% charged.

The effect of sh1t tinted spectacles

Kelly uses the evocative analogy of seeing yourself through “sh1t-tinted spectacles”. Here are a few examples of how those sh1t-tinted spectacles can distort your view:

• You look in the mirror and say “God, I look haggard”
• You have a day when you get 5 pieces of good feedback from people and 1 piece of criticism. You focus on the criticism
• A business connection you ‘phoned yesterday does not return your call and you create a reason in your mind that is all about you

Our human brain is a crafty thing. We create a belief and our brain immediately starts seeking evidence to back up that belief. We dismiss any evidence that proves this belief to be untrue – we want to prove ourselves right.

We see what we want to see – even though it doesn’t serve us, support us or make us feel good.

The secret sauce is in the PROCESSING

The trick in increasing your self-esteem is simply to increase the positive charge in that self-esteem battery I mentioned above: Change the positive/negative ratio of thoughts. Generate more positive thoughts and create higher self-esteem! And you can do that by processing your thoughts in a different way.

Kelly says that:

“processing is what takes place when your experience becomes a memory.”

Your memory is not reality – it is a construct made up of your belief systems, your unhelpful thinking patterns and your metaphorical spectacles – and how you decide to tint those spectacles.

In order to increase your self-esteem, all you need to do is switch your specs to a pair that are rose-tinted, rather than sh1t-tinted!

Here’s how:

Coach Yourself: The simple habit that will increase your self-esteem

Time to coach yourself: This is what I’d like you to do:

1. Give yourself the gift of 15-20 minutes of journaling time within the next 24 hours. Set a timer and create a positive hit list and write down as many positive things from your day. Be as creative and as flexible as you want with your list. The only “rule” is that you reflect on the positive things from your day, even if it wasn’t a stellar day! For this exercise, please also reflect on why each item is in your hit list. Why did it make you feel good? What positive thing did it reflect about YOU?

2. Set yourself a reminder at the end of each day to do a mental positive hit list at the end of each day. It’s a great habit to get into both for your self-esteem AND for a good night’s sleep: In a mindfulness sleep meditation, one of the first parts of the meditation is mentally running through your day from waking to getting into bed.

These “positive hits” can be:

• Moments of pleasure
• Things that made you smile
• Moments of pride in yourself or those you love
• Achievements – large or small
• Challenges you overcame
• Things that made you feel grateful
• Acts of kindness that you received
• Acts of kindness that you gave

To help you get the idea of what to write – and to demonstrate that I walk my talk! – here’s one I did earlier! This is my positive hit list exercise from Wednesday this week.

It wasn’t an easy day: I spent most of the day responding to my own mini business crisis – my broadband network failed and I was left with no connection to the Internet whatsoever. This meant I lost a lot of working time and had a couple of sticky situations to get round. Despite this, when you read my positive hit list, you’ll see that, even on a day that could be described as a “nightmare”, there were many positives:

1. Meditated first thing in the morning. Felt proud of myself as it’s an important habit, but it’s one that I have to push myself to do still.
2. Watched the mists rolling off the top of the hill and knew it would be a hot day. The sunshine always makes me feel happy.
3. Took Ernie for a walk in the forest and enjoyed the sunshine, peace and stunning views
4. Met a man in the forest who gave me a wonderful smile, engaged with me and wished me a wonderful day. It made me think how great it is when people connect and how lucky I am for such simple pleasures
5. Emailed parents of Duke of Edinburgh award participants to organise gifts for the D of E leaders. It would have been much easier not to as it will take time and thought, but it is important for me to acknowledge people.
6. Did some writing sitting on the balcony in the sun. Felt grateful for the autonomy and flexibility of my business
7. Responded creatively and calmly to challenge of running important client webinar after broadband developed a fault and I was left with no Internet signal. This shows that every day in every way I’m getting more and more resilient – rolling with the everyday blips of life and taking it (more or less) in my stride
8. Spoke to my friend Penny Pullan who logged into my business email system and sent an email to my clients about alternative conference line. Always love speaking to Penny and feel grateful to have a friend who I know will help me out in this kind of situation and who knows what to do!
9. Had a great conversation with Amanda Davie about coaching and EQ. Love talking to Amanda as she’s so bright, on my wavelength and she gets it!
10. No. 1 son helped me to clear away dinner dishes without me even asking. Wow! All those years of me feeling like a broken record are finally paying off!
11. No. 1 son ALSO mowed the lawn without moaning when asked. As above!
12. Bedtime story reading to Fred and friend’s daughter who stayed over. Really cherish reading a book to Fred and thankful for it as it won’t be long until he won’t want me to read to him.
13. Negotiated better deal on mobile phone contract and felt pleased with myself. I’ve also got extra contingency data
14. Upgraded mobile data contract to ensure better contingency next time there is a problem with broadband at home. I’ve really thought about mitigating a major risk in my business.
15. Spoke to John and Mum on the phone when I felt exhausted and fed up. Feel immensely grateful for these 2 big “rocks” in my life who always listen and always have wise words.
16. Was able to say “yes” to a friend dropping her daughter round and was also able to offer for her to sleepover. How great to be able to do this for a friend who helps me out so often.

If you do these 2 exercises – the written one to start and then follow up simply by creating a habit of ending your day with a positive mental hit list, you’ll quickly reap the benefits in more consistently high self-esteem.

And as you embed this new positive habit, you’ll find you naturally notice more of your own achievements, making it easier the more you do it!

You’ll have that Alien self-esteem mother monster slayed in no time!

Times they are a changin’…. Now there’s the understatement of 2016! Changes, in the UK at least, seem to be happening at the speed of light.  Buckle up, this rollercoaster ride isn’t about to end any time soon!

Here are a *few* snapshots from the past 3 weeks here in Britannia…

* Blighty is leaving the EU.. at some point. We think.

* The 3 “big wigs” at the forefront of the EU Referendum campaign, including our Prime Minister have all resigned.

* The Voldemort character who plotted to use a Boris-shaped stooge to further his own dastardly ambitions to become Prime Minister went from leadership candidate to voted out to sacked within 2 weeks.

* The UK has had their first ever all-female shortlist for a replacement Prime Minister

* …Which lasted about 4 days, then one withdrew after a kerfuffle with the press and accusations of using motherhood as a campaign angle.

* On Monday, after the shortest and easiest leadership race in history, the UK discovered that Theresa May would be their next PM.

* It’s now Wednesday and David Cameron is on his way to see the Queen to tender his resignation formally. Let’s just hope Mrs. May has hired “Speedy Removals”

* Scotland, London and possibly Wales are threatening to have their own referendum of independence. At this rate it’s likely that the United Kingdom is going to look like a patchwork quilt

* The leader of the opposition is hanging on a cliff edge for his position with his fingertips whilst most of his party MPs line up to stamp on his hand.

* The Governor of the Bank of England is about to slash interest rates to an all time low

* And sterling is about as predictable as a toddler’s tantrums

 

In the intervening period between writing and publishing this post, I won’t be surprised to hear that The Monster Raving Loony Party has been re-formed and that The Sun has announced that it is backing them as winners for the next general election in 2020.

Meanwhile, across the pond, the US is gearing up for a battle for the Whitehouse, potentially to welcome their first ever female President. Or their first ever Trump.

I’m saying nothing. As House of Cards’ Francis Urquhart would say, “You might think that. I couldn’t possibly comment”

In the meantime, despite the world being unpredictable, turbulent and shocking, we have to get on with it, don’t we?

BUT HOW CAN YOU MOTIVATE YOURSELF IN UNCERTAIN TIMES?

Here are 7 highly motivating questions that will help you, no matter what the next headline news brings. You might find them easy, you might find them difficult. But don’t give up if you can’t answer straight away. You might want to sit down with a friend the first time you go through these questions.

 

THE RULE FOR THE PERSON ASKING THE QUESTIONS

The only rule for the partner asking the questions is that they must KEEP QUIET.  No “active listening” malarkey, no “Yes, me too”, no “ahas” or “umms” or even “aahs”.  Just ask the question and shut your mouth. You are allowed to nod and smile, but otherwise you should be like the perfect Victorian child:  Seen but not heard.

5 GUIDELINES FOR COACHING YOURSELF WITH THE 7 DAILY QUESTIONS

1. There is no right or wrong way to interpret these 7 questions, so interpret as you wish.  If you come up with a better question to answer, that’s allowed!
2. Equally, you choose when you want to ask the questions – first thing in the morning, last thing before bed or anywhere in between
3. Create an automated reminder or an association so that you begin to ask these questions daily without forgetting. For example, an association might be “When I boil the kettle in the morning, I ask my 7 questions” If you choose to do this, then write the questions on a card and stick it onto the wall or cupboard above your kettle.
4. Persevere. We all have good days and we all have bad days. Don’t beat yourself up if you find the questions hard on the bad days. Even if you sometimes feel you are just going through the motions, stick with them. You’ll still be re-programming your mind. As Tesco says, Every Little Helps!
5. Bonus goodness: Answer your questions out loud. Speak the answers like you mean them. Head up, shoulders back, big smile on your face. Your physiology has a strong impact on your psychology.

7 QUESTIONS THAT WILL MOTIVATE YOU IN UNCERTAIN TIMES

The questions are in the first person.  If you are getting help from a partner, get them to change “I” to “you” (obviously!!)

1. How far have I come?
2. What am I excited about in my life right now?
3. What am I proud of in my life right now?
4. What am I committed to in my life right now?
5. What am I grateful for in my life right now?
6. Why am I so wealthy? (rather than “why am I so poor?”)
7. Why am I so blessed? (rather than “why does this have to happen to me?”)

* Stop Press!   Since the time of writing the article and publishing it (half a day), Mrs. May DID hire a very speedy removal company.  And she made Boris Foreign Secretary. In, out shake it all about!  See! Told you it was change at the speed of light!

WHERE DID THESE 7 QUESTIONS COME FROM?

I adapted these 7 questions from a woman who has been the most influential mentor I’ve had in my life.  Her name is Ann Wilson and she’s also known as .  She is brilliant at motivating people. In fact, a few weeks ago, she lifted me out of a slump and got me back on track!

If you like my approach, then I’m pretty certain that you’ll also like Ann’s.  She’s recently released an excellent free video training programme, called  . The stuff she teaches in the second video is highly relevant to growing your wealth in times of uncertain times.

Especially for those of us with a currency that is as uncertain as a toddler’s tantrums 😉

 

 

Take a moment to reflect please… How has your week been? Good? Bad? Average? A bit good a bit bad? Cloudy with sunny spells?

I had a sort of average day yesterday. It wasn’t bad, nor was it spectacular.

I spent a good 2 hours yesterday morning, starting very early before the school run, doing time-consuming chores. Things like this:

▪ Stripping beds of sheets that have been on there far too long
▪ Laundry, laundry and more bloody laundry
▪ Packing up parcels to be sent
▪ Clearing up the morning “boy aftermath” in the kitchen

You know the sort of thing!

I did all this stuff as fast as I could, but it still took four times as long as I’d estimated. And all this before my workday could actually get underway.

I had a lunchtime deadline on a piece of work. I had a business to run, money to earn, food to put on the table! But all this STUFF was taking up my time!

Then I spent almost 5 hours on one piece of work that had 2 hours blocked out for it.

So yeah.. it was an average day really. Not awful but not sparkly and shiny either.

However, here’s the thing: As I was racing around doing my chores, I was simmering inside with “poor little me” thoughts.

The “poor little me” thoughts are the thoughts where we see ourselves as “special” – semi martyr, semi victim, with nobody giving us credit for “just how hard we work, how much we do”.

And no, I most certainly ain’t a perfectly sorted egoless goddess. Just like the next woman, I sometimes get these “poor little me” thoughts! They have been particularly pernicious little beasties since this house became a “single parent household”.

So, there’s a big bad bold admission for you.

It’s the ego talking, of course. It whines like this: “You keep going and nobody appreciates what you do.”

BOO HOO! POOR LITTLE ME!

However, one of the advantages of having been a Coach for donkey’s years is that such thoughts don’t hang around for very long. I’m able to take a step back from the “poor little me” whiny inner voice and do some quiet reflection.

When I feel that I’ve over-indulged my “nobody gets how hard this is” broken record of martyrdom, I can quickly sober myself up and take a wider-angled view. Which means I feel happy again.

Of course, I’m no more special or struggling or coping or managing or juggling or whatever than YOU. Or the next person. We all have our own crosses to bear and none of us know what the other person is managing behind closed doors.

I was on my way to share more truly insightful nuggets of wisdom and advice with you on this! But then, just before I sat down to write to you I watched an 8-minute video shared by a friend on Facebook.

This video was shot at the One Young World conference in Dublin. It is a heard-rending, raw and powerful speech from a young North Korean escapee. I don’t know her name, but I’m sure we will all know it soon.

I urge you to watch it. Because whatever I was going to say is nothing compared to watching this girl’s speech. You won’t need any nuggets from me once you’ve heard this girl speak.

Any “poor little me” feelings will melt away.

I won’t give anything away, because I really want you to watch this.

Click here to watch a video that will instantly cure any thoughts of “poor little me”

Note: I can’t find this on You Tube; it was embedded in a post with no link back to You Tube, so this is a link to my Facebook page where you’ll find the video pinned to the top.

Suffice to say, the household chores, the deadlines, parcel packing etc are all mere trifles: “First World Problems”

In fact, not problems but blessings.

Remember to smile, love, share and savour each moment Amanda, because, if you have the freedom to read this, then you have freedom. And that makes all the “stuff” pale into insignificance.