In a moment of pure joy, expressing my never-ending gratitude for my “job” as a Coach for talented women in challenging careers, I posted an update on social media:

“Just finished a 2 hour coaching session with one of my most visionary clients who is changing the world…buzzing!”

This client is indeed visionary. She is planning a conference that shines a spotlight on the an important issue. She has aligned a number of key speakers – government ministers, change-makers and celebrities – to feature at this conference. She will change lives!

But do you think she saw herself as visionary? No way! She doesn’t even believe she has what it takes to realise her vision. She only recognised herself from my description because the timing of my post could only have applied to her.

“Really?” she asked in an email to me. And that “Really?” conveyed so much. It was is if she was saying “Little old ME? Can you really have been referring to ME as visionary?”

And this vignette illustrates the problem with women!

We live in an era when gender equality in the boardroom is viewed as an economic imperative. Companies with three or more women in senior management functions score more highly on average for each organisational criterion than companies with no women at the top.  69% of companies who implement gender diversity policies report an improvement in brand image.  I could go on and on with the statistics that demonstrate the benefits for everyone of gender equality in business.

I have been part of and observed umpteen discussions about what organisations must do to attract and retain more talented women.   Every single one of these conversations stresses the importance of implementing flexible working policies and of creating a culture that does not penalise women for the fact that they have children and that, at the time of writing at least, they are primarily responsible for childcare (although there may well be a shift with the introduction of shared parental leave in the UK just over a year ago). Flexible working is indeed important and it is a big part of the equation.

But flexible working is not the FULL equation. There is a factor involved that usually gets ignored and it is something that I have quite extensive experience of:

 

We also need to help talented women to stop holding themselves back

For the past 14 years, I have been working as an Executive Coach and Trainer to the sort of talented women that companies are seeking to attract and retain.  I’ve worked with thousands of women across the globe and I have watched them exhibit the same self-sabotaging behaviours over an over.

Whenever a new client starts work with me, I send her a Questionnaire. Here is one of the most revealing questions I ask these new clients:

“How do you get in your own way?”

And the answer is, the smart, educated, ambitious women I work with get in their own way – and therefore hold themselves back – in a multitude of ways!

Over the coming few months, I’ll be sharing with you some of the recurring themes in the answers to the “how do you get in your own way?” question.   If you’ve ever suffered from lack of self-belief (so that will be ALL of us!), you’ll want to read the first of these “ways”. If you’re not already on my mailing list, pop your email into the box below so that you don’t miss any of the posts.

What do Kate Winslet, Jodie Foster, Sheryl Sandberg and Michelle Pfeiffer have in common?

…They all suffer from Imposter Syndrome!

Each of them has been quoted as saying that they fear that they aren’t truly deserving of their success, that they are somehow not qualified and that, at some point, they are going to be found out as a fraud. Michelle Pfeiffer responded to a question about how she’d developed her acting talent with:

“I still think people will find out that I’m really not very talented. I’m really not very good. It’s all been a big sham.”

When Sheryl Sandberg attended a Harvard University speech called “Feeling Like a Fraud,” she came to the conclusion that they were speaking directly to her.

Oscar-winning Actress Kate Winslet said,

“I’d wake up in the morning before going off to a shoot, and think, I can’t do this; I’m a fraud.”

And highly accomplished Actress, Producer and Director Jodie Foster said,

“I always feel like something of an imposter. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

If the rich, glamorous and famous suffer from Imposter Syndrome, what the bleeping hope do we have?!

What is Imposter Syndrome, anyway?

I like this description, borrowed from the Caltech Counselling Centre:

“Impostor syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist even in face of information that indicates that the opposite is true. It is experienced internally as chronic self-doubt, and feelings of intellectual fraudulence.”

Notice the phrase “even in face of information that indicates that the opposite is true.” This is the curious thing about Imposter Syndrome – the sufferer doesn’t believe the evidence in front of her (or his) own eyes.

I’m wondering if any bells are ringing already.

Here are 10 surefire indicators that you are suffering from Imposter Syndrome. You might not have all of these, but one thing is for sure, no. 10 is true, although you might deny it!

1. You tend to admire and overrate the abilities of others and underrate your own ability.
2. Others may see you as competent, but you still see yourself as incompetent
3. You have a hard time acknowledging objective measures of your competency
4. You have a hard time accepting compliments for your accomplishments
5. You discount the value of your abilities and talents.
6. You believe that everyone is capable of doing what you do, if only they tried
7. Despite repeated successes, you view each new challenge as your undoing. You believe you will be found out.
8. You attribute your successes to luck or “fluke”
9. However, you take full responsibility for all your failures!
10. You are likely to be highly capable, competent and successful in your field.

Now you have an idea of what it is and how it shows up, what’s the next step? How about a quiz?… You can download my “Imposter Syndrome Quit Kit”, where you can take a test to see if you are suffering from “Imposter Syndrome”. You’ll also learn 3 incredibly simply strategies to diminish the voice in your head that says you’ll be “found out” as a fraud!

And feel free to share the Imposter Syndrome Quit Kit with your friends!

Have you ever said “I’ll eat my hat if that happens”?

It’s been a breathtaking, shocking, tumultuous rollercoaster over the past 24 hours in the UK: A majority win by the Conservatives, a landslide victory for the SNP in Scotland and 3 resignations from 3 party leaders. Last night, the Exit Poll started indicating that the Conservatives were on course to win and that the Liberal Democrats would lose dozens of seats.

Paddy Ashdown, Chair of the Liberal Democrats reacted to the poll with utter incredulity. He said he’d “eat his hat” if the exit poll was true. Which just goes to show: None of us can predict the future and the UK election results have demonstrated this very clearly!

Yet often, we are certain that we do know what our future holds. I have lost count of the number of times I have worked with clients who had a specific goal, but who were certain they could never achieve it and it’s all down to lack of self-belief. I get such a kick out of it when my clients go from not believing that they can possibly achieve their big dream, to starting to see new opportunities, taking action and then suddenly… the “impossible wonderful goal” happens.

Oh, how many hats might have been consumed over the years…

Once upon a time…

Here’s a wonderful real life story to inspire you and it’s almost as fresh as the election results. It’s the story of one of my Stepping Up clients, Claire, who had a dream of a an “impossible, wonderful” job. She came to Stepping Up wanting to believe in herself more and have the confidence to be bolder and go for opportunities.

She achieved more than she had ever believed possible. In fact, Claire would probably have eaten her hat if you’d told her THIS was going to happen.

Here’s her story in her own words:

“I should start by saying that my objective for stepping up was improving my self-belief, confidence and resilience to get clear on what I wanted in my career and make a much needed change.

I have achieved that and so much more. Whilst on Stepping Up I reconnected with an ex colleague / friend. This person was an amazing boss and years previously had picked me to be on a new team they were setting up on a large national project on which we both worked. We went our separate ways and had lost touch. When I looked at their details I noticed they now run their own successful business and had a vacancy that matched my skills perfectly!

The company sounded amazing, the job sounded amazing and I already knew the company founder was brilliant. So I decided to step up, take a punt and approach that person for the job (in a creative way that helped me stand out). It took a lot of courage to do this and I can honestly say that I would never have been this brave or bold without the stepping up programme or Amanda’s amazing coaching.

After being so brave and getting an initial response I had a real wobble but Amanda refocused my perspective and kept me focused on the faint possibility of me nailing my dream job.

Fast forward a few weeks… I’m negotiating a package for my dream job in my dream company with my dream boss. I can hardly believe it..but it’s real!

And I wouldn’t have believed it if you’d told me last year that I would take these actions and be on this path.”

Hmmmm…. I wonder if Claire might has eaten her hat?! It’s a great story isn’t it? And I want to share it with you because I want you to believe that something like this could happen to you too.

What do YOU want that you believe might never happen? Beliefs are funny old things.. they are in fact stories that we make up in our heads based on a set of experiences that we have usually distorted in our minds.

The fact is, YOU JUST DON’T KNOW what is possible for you. And I want you to know that if you can have more self-belief, if you dare to be bold and if you take positive action, then you will greatly boost the chances of going from…

Impossible to Improbable to Absolutely Possible to REAL!

By the way, this is what I’m good at – believing in yourself, getting you out of your own way and getting on with it. And my Stepping Up programme has just helped 12 women, including Claire, to do just that.

The doors to the next Stepping Up programme are hereby OPEN.

Check it out..

Do this now. There are only 12 places. You’ll want to see what I’ve got in store for you and you’ll DEFINITELY want to see the bonus gift I’m offering to those who take action quickly. In fact, I’d go so far to say that it’s the BEST bonus I’ve ever offered for fast action takers!

I’ll hand over to Claire to finish:

“Stepping up has been amazing it has allowed me to become who I really am and be true to myself. In so doing and with the world class uniquely awesome support of Amanda – I am about to close a deal for my dream job! I should say my objective for stepping up was improving my confidence and resilience to get clear on what I wanted in my career and make a much needed change. I have achieved that and so much more. I cannot recommend Awesome Amanda and the Stepping Up programme highly enough – if you want to be the best version of the brilliant woman you really are and have the confidence, resilience to reach for the stars to fulfil your potential then go for it! Book your place now. Your life will never be the same (and I mean that in a wonderfully positive way!)”

Stepping Up is officially OPEN for enrolment. Check it out NOW!