3 secrets for overcoming self-doubt when you’re “on show”

By amandaalexander | Uncategorized

If you get nervous about networking, imagine HOSTING a networking event! That’s what I did this week when I hosted the monthly “Power Business Breakfast” in Manchester for  in my new position as their North West Regional Director.

These are the thoughts and feelings that came up for me on Wednesday:

 I noticed slight nerves at the beginning.
 I noticed the uber-confident woman and how she made me feel. My thoughts: “Wow… I wish I was as confident as her” and “Yikes”.
 I noticed the shy, nervous women. My thoughts: “I want you to feel comfortable and confident. I want to do everything I can to help you succeed”.
 I noticed how I felt when I did the introductory and welcome spiel: *”Am I waffling? Do I appear calm and confident? Do they think I’m being ‘salesy’ telling them about Forward Ladies?” Now, there’s a limiting belief I’m still battling with!

All I could do was show up as myself – with all my imperfections, insecurities and quirks – and trust that I am good enough. That’s all we need to do, but often easier said than done for most of us when we are stretching outside our comfort zone.

So how can you do this, in practical terms? Here’s what works for me:

 I tried to learn as many names as possible and as much as I could about a few people I had longer conversations with.
 I marvelled at how different we all were – and yet how we all shared that common bond of quietly wanting to “look good” on several levels. Even the uber-confident lady!
 I did my welcome spiel – even daring to suggest that some of them might consider the fantastic  for our forthcoming Women in Business Awards! 🙂
 I thought that the meeting had probably gone well, but you never know, as people are generally polite when they leave! But I didn’t chew it over. I trusted that I’d focused on the lovely bunch of women who had invested their time to come to the meeting, rather than on my “performance”
 I put my focus on being ‘of service’. This works most of the time for me as a Coach. In fact it is something I often share with coaches I mentor: Focus on the person you’re serving and forget about whether you’re being a “good” Coach. It works a treat for nervous new coaches!

In short, these are my 3 very simple secrets for overcoming self-doubt when you are on show:

1. Be gently curious about what’s going on in your head. Be very kind to yourself. It’s about simply noticing the inner dialogue without getting attached:

“Interesting….I’m feeling a bit intimidated”. _ 
“Interesting.. I’m worrying about how I look”_

Simply be interested. The thoughts will come and go.

1. Be of service. This means focus on others, not yourself.
2. Be yourself. You ARE enough. Honestly. Cross my heart and hope to die!

And of course, remember that everybody else is probably too busy worrying about what you think of them to be judging you!

This week’s ramblings..Helping Migrants

Like most people, I feel shocked and appalled by the increasingly desperate and complex refugee crisis. I don’t have all the answers and I know that we can all argue until the cows come home about which injustice or horror “deserves” our attention more. But debate rarely saves lives.

I’m a bit of an action woman and I believe that any type of action makes a difference. Doing something, however tiny, is better than doing nothing and shaking our heads. And it only takes a TINY bit of action by many individuals to make a BIG difference.

One thing we can ALL do is donate a tiny bit of our money. I discovered a wonderful charity today – MOAS (Migrant Offshore Aid Station).

MOAS was started by the Catrambones family after the 400 migrants drowned near the Italian island of Lampedusa in 2013. It is dedicated to preventing loss of life at sea by providing assistance to migrants who find themselves in distress while crossing the Mediterranean Sea in unsafe vessels. To date they have saved 11,124 lives. I love this – it’s getting on with doing what needs to be done.

I have donated and if you like the ethos of MOAS and their very practical and immediate intervention, maybe you would like to join me and donate just a little bit of money to help them too? Any action is better than no action. Even £1.. it might seem an insignificant amount, but when many people donate £1.. BIG impact!

The Catrambones family hope to dispel Pope Francis calls the “globalisation of indifference”. I read a quote today about indifference: “The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.” It’s harsh, but it makes you think, doesn’t it? The positive flip side is that when we care in a practical way, we are acting with love.

If you’d like to donate a tiny amount to MOAS, you’ll be making a difference.Here’s the link to their donate page

Useful Links

“Inspiring Women Interviews” – Amanda’a Podcast on ITunes 
“Inspiring Women Interviews” – Amanda’a Podcast on Stitcher 
“Inspiring Women Interviews” – Amanda’s Podcast Episodes and Transcripts on her website 
Get Amanda’s FREE “Imposter Syndrome Quit Kit” – Take the test, get strategies to increase your self-belief. For women who feel as if they are going to be “found out’ – and it’s FREE! 
Amanda Alexander’s Facebook Page 
Connect with Amanda on Linked In 
Connect with Amanda on Twitter 
Amanda on Forward Ladies 
Migrant Offshore Aid Station

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