Do you know which question I mean?….

“Are you ready for Christmas?”

NO!!!!! I am NOT!

Someone said to me the other day: “I haven’t got time to be ill now, just 2 weeks before the day; I have too much to do”. None of us “have time” to be ill, do we?! Particularly at this time of year. And yet, when illness hits us, we are forced to re-evaluate the things we thought were priorities. You didn’t hear from me last week for this reason – I came down with a nasty December cold, which is taking it’s time to disappear. I was forced to re-evaluate my priorities and it got me thinking about the pressure we put ourselves under with the false concept of “getting everything done” at this time of year.

You know what time of year it is when the usual “How are you?” question in polite society is replaced with “Are you ready for Christmas?”

Yesterday, Peter “the shed man” came to measure up for a wood store/shed. When he was about to leave, he asked, with a look of panic on his face, “You don’t want it before Christmas, do you?” He was so relieved when I replied “Erm, no, Christmas is not dependent on the shed!” We had a brief discussion about the pressure to “have it all” and “get it all done” before the day.

Peter told me his wife was insisting that she needed to clean their windows. And that most of his customers were pleading for their sheds in time for Christmas day.

Do we really need to have it all and get it all done?

But despite not insisting on having my shed built within the next week, I’m just as guilty of this kind of thinking as the next woman. I have my fantasy “things I want to get done by Christmas” list… I wanted to finish off several work projects (yeah right!) clean the oven (this has been on my list ALL YEAR) and clear out the boys’ wardrobes and the under-stairs cupboard (the expression “I’d rather have root canal surgery” comes to mind).

What’s this all about?! Why make a list of additional things when there is plenty to do at this time of year anyway? Why add this pressure? It’s crazy, isn’t it? None of this is actually important. So what if you miss the last post and your Christmas cards arrive AFTER Christmas? Is it really going to mean the end of the World? So what if you haven’t ordered your turkey/beef/goose/nut roast and you have to make do with what’s left on the the shelves on Christmas Eve? In my experience, there’s never been a shortage of turkeys! What if, (like me) you are not 100% organised and not only have you not yet WRAPPED your presents, you’re also not entirely sure where you’ve hidden them all! The fact is, the presents will get wrapped!

So my message to you – and reminder to myself – in today’s post is that we don’t have to have it all or do it all before Christmas Day.

Perhaps we should look to the true meaning of Christmas for reassurance and to give us permission not to be “quite ready” or “done”:

Mary did not have a private maternity suite booked. She had to make do with a stable.

Jesus had “no crib for a bed”. He made do with a manger full of hay (so you’ll be fine if that new sofa doesn’t arrive in time)

Despite the many things that weren’t in place for Jesus’s birth, it all worked out. The shepherds managed to find him, the three Wise Men managed to cobble together 3 gifts – and I bet they didn’t go shopping for them weeks earlier. 🙂

So whatever your faith or your beliefs, please take comfort from knowing that the origins of Christmas were humble. The messages of simplicity, kindness, trust, hope and love can still be at the heart of our own Christmas time, even though our own lives may be very different.

Remember to enjoy this run up to Christmas as well as the day itself – of course there are things to do, but do them with lightness and let go of the need for perfection. What doesn’t get done, doesn’t get done!

Do you have an Advent calendar in December? There’s always at least 2 in our household. I have just received 2 DIY Advent calendars for the boys that I ordered a couple of weeks ago. They each consist of 24 little envelopes with pegs on a string so that you can fill each one with a gift. I’m a bit late as they have just arrived yesterday, but my idea is to write a little love note to include in each daily envelope for the boys to read each day. However, I suspect they will be more interested in the daily chocolate or sweet than the love note!

Before you read this week’s post, I need to warn you, have a tissue nearby if you watch the video – It’s a tear-jerker!

I wasn’t expecting that

Have you heard the Jamie Lawson song, “I wasn’t expecting that”?

If not, then please watch the video on YouTube to it before reading the rest of today’s post, as there’s a spoiler! In fact, DO watch the video, even if you’ve heard the song.

The first time I listened to the song, I thought, “This is such a beautiful love song”. It’s so true to life – none of us ever expect to fall in love, it just happens!

“Isn’t it strange how a life can be changed
In the flicker of the sweetest smile?”

I loved this song as it rolled on because, as a mum and a woman in her (ahem) mid life, I could relate to the story…. the years rolled on. In fact, it even made me feel quite young because in Jamie’s song:

“Time doesn’t take long, three kids up and gone”!

Hurrah! I’ve got a few years ‘til the kids are up and gone yet! One thing I’m noticing at present is that my friends and clients seem to be getting younger, so I particularly welcomed that line. Smiling face (black and white)

As I listened to this song for the first time, I felt all smiley inside, romantic — and young, but then Jamie kicked me. He takes a sharp turn in his lyrics:

“When the nurses they came, said it’s come back again
I wasn’t expecting that”

What?! Eh? What’s going on Jamie? You’re supposed to be telling me about loving your wife and having time together now the kids are grown up!

Then he finishes with the cruelest sting in the tail:

“Then you closed your eyes, you took my heart by surprise
I wasn’t expecting that”

It took my breath away. I certainly wasn’t expecting that.

Every time I hear the song now, I know what’s coming, but I still hope vainly for a different ending. But there isn’t a different ending, no matter how much I might hope.

So many women spend far too much of their precious lives worrying about things that might never happen. I know, I’m a recovering worry addict. 

Do you try to predict outcomes and waste your energy creating stories in your head about “if the worst happens”. Yet I wonder how many times this mental “disaster planning” has actually served you? It’s more likely to have kept you wake at night, made you feel anxious or stopped you from enjoying the present.

There are a few places for disaster planning – when managing projects or anticipating zombie apocalypses, to name a couple. And it’s good to create “reserves” in your life, for example reserves of energy, time, money…and toilet roll.

But really, you must STOP mentally planning for disaster and getting lost gazing into imaginary crystal balls. Even if you have the gift of foresight, what can you do if that’s what’s going to happen anyway?

Life’s big moments tend to be those that we are least expecting – whether they are moments of joy and bliss or moments of horror and heartbreak. We WILL, as human beings, experience the full range, whether we like it or not. You can’t love without loss, you can’t live without death, you can’t experience happiness without having experienced sadness. We simply can’t STOP those things.

Instead, start focusing on all the little moments of joy that you weren’t expecting. What might happen tomorrow when you wake up? Really, you have no idea what tomorrow brings. It could be “good”, it could be “bad” or it could be just “so so”.

But try this: When you wake up tomorrow morning, approach your day as if it is an exciting adventure and resolve to throw yourself wholeheartedly into that adventure. You might have some wonderful surprises along the way, because you are more likely to discover moments of joy when you focus on being joyfully playful.

I can’t promise you that everything will go your way. I can’t promise you that you won’t experience pain, sorrow or fear. But I can promise you, that if you shift your thinking so that you are curious, present and open to the unknown possibility in each day, you will be much happier and much more to build resilience.

“I don’t have a bucket list. But my f****t list is a mile long”

I watched a programme one evening this week called “Before I kick the bucket”. It’s about Rowena Kincaid, who has stage 4 breast cancer. She’s single and 39 years old. The documentary examines the concept of having a “bucket list” and how the issue is forced when, at such a young age, Rowena discovers she has only months to live. It was a thought-provoking documentary, made by a courageous and spirited woman.

We’ve all heard of a Bucket List: Described by Google as “A number of experiences or achievements that a person hopes to have or accomplish during their lifetime.”

But SHOULD you have a Bucket List?

Here are the conclusions made by Rowena, me and a couple of wise women, on why we think you should KICK your bucket list!

1 – Nobody in this World will ever be able to do/see/experience everything, so choose what’s really important to YOU, rather than all those things you have convinced yourself you should do, because someone else said so.
Stop comparing your life with other people’s lives. Just get on with living your life though the lens of your own values.

2 – Quality beats quantity when it comes to experiences.
Have you ever seen Japanese tourists on a whirlwind tour of Europe? I often notice them in Grasmere, perhaps the most famous village in the Lake District (it was William Wordsworth’s home). These hapless tourists never get the chance to walk up the fells and soak in the amazing views above Grasmere. Instead they are herded on and off coaches to speed off to the next place. Whilst they are ticking off plenty of places on their itinerary, they never get to fully experience the beauty and wonder of those places.

3 – People who are dying invariably regret the people they didn’t spend time with far more than the experiences they missed.
Life is about people and love rather than things or even experiences. I remember a coaching exercise I did some years ago. The idea is that you ask yourself a series of questions:

“What would I want to do if I knew I had only 10 years to live?”
“What would I do if I knew I had only 1 year to live?” and so on down to just a day to live. Focuses the mind!

What you’ll find – it will be no surprise – is that the shorter the time period, the more you’ll focus on people, not places or experiences.

4 – Having enriching experiences doesn’t mean you have to streak naked through the town centre or jump out of a plane every day. It simply means appreciating the little moments of joy we ALL have in each day. Need I say more? Live in the moment as much as you can!

5 – Kim shared this: “You don’t know how long you have left, and that’s only genuinely driven home when the reality of that actually hits you for real. It becomes a wake up call rather than a set of words we all joyfully bandy about. Don’t therefore live each day as if it were your last, but instead live each day to its fullest and with joy, love and gratitude for the people and the world about you, and the opportunities that they bring for love, laughter, work, beauty, and for doing the things that you love doing.

6 – And finally, this, from Lisa, is brilliant: Instead of a “Bucket List”, choose to have a “Lived List”. “We should be living our lives and soaking up the treasured memories they will give us. Not worrying about when we will die and ticking things off a list. Just live and enjoy your lived list.”

So, kick your bucket list, soak in the view, enjoy each precious moment of your weekend!

Warmly
Amanda x

This week’s ramblings..

This week I discovered banana pancakes. 2 ingredients – 1 banana, 2 eggs. I added a little vanilla extract and cinnamon to the ‘batter’. Simply blend and pour small quantities onto a griddle. The flipping is the trickiest bit. I have since been advised to grill the top side to avoid flipping altogether.
They were, quite simply, delicious. I ate mine with blueberries and coconut chips. Highly recommend you try them if you haven’t done so already!

Useful Links

If you get nervous about networking, imagine HOSTING a networking event! That’s what I did this week when I hosted the monthly “Power Business Breakfast” in Manchester for  in my new position as their North West Regional Director.

These are the thoughts and feelings that came up for me on Wednesday:

▪ I noticed slight nerves at the beginning.
▪ I noticed the uber-confident woman and how she made me feel. My thoughts: “Wow… I wish I was as confident as her” and “Yikes”.
▪ I noticed the shy, nervous women. My thoughts: “I want you to feel comfortable and confident. I want to do everything I can to help you succeed”.
▪ I noticed how I felt when I did the introductory and welcome spiel: *”Am I waffling? Do I appear calm and confident? Do they think I’m being ‘salesy’ telling them about Forward Ladies?” Now, there’s a limiting belief I’m still battling with!

All I could do was show up as myself – with all my imperfections, insecurities and quirks – and trust that I am good enough. That’s all we need to do, but often easier said than done for most of us when we are stretching outside our comfort zone.

So how can you do this, in practical terms? Here’s what works for me:

▪ I tried to learn as many names as possible and as much as I could about a few people I had longer conversations with.
▪ I marvelled at how different we all were – and yet how we all shared that common bond of quietly wanting to “look good” on several levels. Even the uber-confident lady!
▪ I did my welcome spiel – even daring to suggest that some of them might consider the fantastic  for our forthcoming Women in Business Awards! 🙂
▪ I thought that the meeting had probably gone well, but you never know, as people are generally polite when they leave! But I didn’t chew it over. I trusted that I’d focused on the lovely bunch of women who had invested their time to come to the meeting, rather than on my “performance”
▪ I put my focus on being ‘of service’. This works most of the time for me as a Coach. In fact it is something I often share with coaches I mentor: Focus on the person you’re serving and forget about whether you’re being a “good” Coach. It works a treat for nervous new coaches!

In short, these are my 3 very simple secrets for overcoming self-doubt when you are on show:

1. Be gently curious about what’s going on in your head. Be very kind to yourself. It’s about simply noticing the inner dialogue without getting attached:

“Interesting….I’m feeling a bit intimidated”. _ 
“Interesting.. I’m worrying about how I look”_

Simply be interested. The thoughts will come and go.

1. Be of service. This means focus on others, not yourself.
2. Be yourself. You ARE enough. Honestly. Cross my heart and hope to die!

And of course, remember that everybody else is probably too busy worrying about what you think of them to be judging you!

This week’s ramblings..Helping Migrants

Like most people, I feel shocked and appalled by the increasingly desperate and complex refugee crisis. I don’t have all the answers and I know that we can all argue until the cows come home about which injustice or horror “deserves” our attention more. But debate rarely saves lives.

I’m a bit of an action woman and I believe that any type of action makes a difference. Doing something, however tiny, is better than doing nothing and shaking our heads. And it only takes a TINY bit of action by many individuals to make a BIG difference.

One thing we can ALL do is donate a tiny bit of our money. I discovered a wonderful charity today – MOAS (Migrant Offshore Aid Station).

MOAS was started by the Catrambones family after the 400 migrants drowned near the Italian island of Lampedusa in 2013. It is dedicated to preventing loss of life at sea by providing assistance to migrants who find themselves in distress while crossing the Mediterranean Sea in unsafe vessels. To date they have saved 11,124 lives. I love this – it’s getting on with doing what needs to be done.

I have donated and if you like the ethos of MOAS and their very practical and immediate intervention, maybe you would like to join me and donate just a little bit of money to help them too? Any action is better than no action. Even £1.. it might seem an insignificant amount, but when many people donate £1.. BIG impact!

The Catrambones family hope to dispel Pope Francis calls the “globalisation of indifference”. I read a quote today about indifference: “The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.” It’s harsh, but it makes you think, doesn’t it? The positive flip side is that when we care in a practical way, we are acting with love.

If you’d like to donate a tiny amount to MOAS, you’ll be making a difference.Here’s the link to their donate page

Useful Links

“Inspiring Women Interviews” – Amanda’a Podcast on ITunes 
“Inspiring Women Interviews” – Amanda’a Podcast on Stitcher 
“Inspiring Women Interviews” – Amanda’s Podcast Episodes and Transcripts on her website 
Get Amanda’s FREE “Imposter Syndrome Quit Kit” – Take the test, get strategies to increase your self-belief. For women who feel as if they are going to be “found out’ – and it’s FREE! 
Amanda Alexander’s Facebook Page 
Connect with Amanda on Linked In 
Connect with Amanda on Twitter 
Amanda on Forward Ladies 
Migrant Offshore Aid Station

Once upon a time, there was a young woman who had a career as an IT Project Manager and that was fine. She earned a good salary, travelled quite a bit, experienced some exciting times and some miserable times. She achieved some stuff and she failed at some stuff.

Then one day she became pregnant. When she was 5 months pregnant, her husband was made redundant. Two weeks later she too was threatened with redundancy. Her life was most definitely in transition!

It was as if a Pandora’s box of self-doubt, fear and uncertainty had been opened in that young woman’s life.

One day, amidst the uncertainty, she stumbled upon the concept of life coaching. She hired a Life Coach and this is what she wrote to her new Coach before they spoke:

“I am very worried that my life from now on will just be a struggle.”

“I am due to go back to work in October, and I am dreading it.”

“We cannot afford for me not to work, or for me to take a job on a much lower salary.”

She didn’t sound very happy, did she?

She told her Coach what she most wanted:

“1. To find a way of making money that I am passionate about, and that allows me to have time to bring up my son – to achieve that work/life balance
2. To have the courage, energy and tenacity to go for whatever I do.
3. To feel good about myself – instead of constantly being dissatisfied with myself.
4. To stop worrying and enjoy today.“

The above was copied word for word from the original document, in case you’re wondering….

Fast-forward almost 14 years. A lot has changed in that young woman’s life. For a start, most people would not call her “young”! 😉

However, she is in a very different place and has achieved what she most wanted:

▪ She has plenty of courage, energy and tenacity.
▪ She feels good about herself
▪ She is bringing up not 1 but 2 sons
▪ She still worries occasionally, but MUCH less than she used to.
▪ She is able to see the gift in each day, even when there are challenges.
▪ She knows how to live in the present.
▪ Even though she is always too busy, she relishes her life and actually has a pretty good work life balance.
▪ She rarely “disses” herself now. She is much kinder to herself. She is clear on who she is and what makes her unique… even though she still can’t express what differentiates her from other Coaches in 5 seconds!

No prizes for guessing…You might have suspected that this young woman was me.

I am sharing this very personal glimpse into my own life all those years ago because I want to reassure you that, you too can have what you want, be who you want and feel good about yourself. No matter what your situation.

And you can start getting the life you want now, and this is how..

Revealed! The 3 Core Essentials to Getting The Life You Want

1. Really knowing yourself and being yourself
2. Trusting yourself
3. Understanding what’s most important to you – your core values

And the great news is that I’m going to coach you around these 3 core essentials…

Introducing SELF-DISCOVERY 101

I’ve created this FREE 3-part video “coaching” programme so that you can start with these core essentials and get the life you want, right now. You can start with the first video TODAY.

When you enroll on Self-Discovery 101, you’ll get access to 3 video coaching sessions with me. You’ll also get FREE interactive workbooks to accompany each session. And by the way, the workbooks are GORGEOUS! Just sayin’… !

Coaching, not Telling

In each video, I’m NOT going to tell you what to do. But I AM going to coach you. And I’ll tell you why I’m taking this approach – Because coaching you is much more effective than telling you. Coaching is much more powerful than 5 Top Tips, 3 Sexy Secrets or 7 Super Strategies.

This is what my coach approach in this unique 3-part video programme will do for you:

1. Give you space to do some quality thinking.
2. Hold up a “mirror” so that you can see yourself clearly
3. Get you pondering on via a series of incisive questions that will prompt you to access your own inner wisdom (yes, it’s in there!)

Coaching is based on the principle that you have the answers within you, and this is why I am so excited and delighted to bring you this unique programme These questions are designed to help you to:
KNOW YOURSELF

Once you know yourself, I will ask you questions to help you to start to: LIKE YOURSELF

And once you start to like yourself, I will ask you questions to help you to: ORIENT YOUR LIFE AROUND YOUR CORE VALUES

Once you’ve done this, the final piece of the “self-discovery” jigsaw is self-belief. Which is why, in Video 3, I’m going to coach you through my 10-step process so that you begin to:
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

Self-Discovery 101 will get you to hop off the treadmill and get a clearer perspective on what a successful life mens to you. Starting with who you are and what’s important to you. In turn, this will help you make informed decisions about your life and your career. Self-Discovery 101 is where it all starts…

Click here to enroll NOW on Self-Discovery 101 (it’s FREE!)

Please spread the word about Self-Discovery 101!

As you can probably imagine, Self-Discovery 101 has taken time, effort, thought and money to create. By putting it out there, I’m building my authority by sharing my skills and giving people a small taste of what it’s like to be coached by me.

You can do something marvelous that will “pay it forward”, add great karma to your life and that will “thank” me with one simple action. Please share with your friends and colleagues. It’s fast and easy:

You can either:

1. Share this link for Self-Discovery 101 with your social media channels
And/or…
2. Forward this email Thank you! 🙂

Sign up for Self-Discovery 101 here

p.s. You can access Self-Discovery 101 video coaching programme for 3 weeks only, so do enrol now.

Random Ramblings

This weekend I’m hoping to improve my bushcraft fire-lightning skills, roll a Cuban cigar, meet Cerys Matthews, throw an axe, learn the essential parts of a pig, skin a rabbit and listen to Ben Fogle around a campfire.

But most of all, I’m hoping that I can erect our tent by myself this evening.

We’re heading to “The Good Life Experience – a Weekend of Fun and Discovery with Music, Books, Food and the Great Outdoors”

I’ll let you know what new skills I’ve learnt next week!

Useful Links

Sign up for Amanda’s FREE Video Coaching Programme, Self-Discovery 101
Seddon Days Website
Amanda’s Blog Post: 5 Questions For Living From a Dying Man